Movie Review: Breaking Dawn Part 1

Well Well Well. It is raining outside, and I can only think of one thing to combat that. Also it'd be good to finish these off before actual Summah and/or getting a job starts eating away at all this free time. So here we are, Twilight #4 Breaking Dawn PART(E) ONE. Hi Tristan! You have seen this one, please feel free to discuss with me in the comments.

• Yes "Parte". Why such fancy spelling? How very ye olde. Because Vampires? 
• It's raining quick talke of your shirt!
• Aaaahaha a wedding invitation! Hooray. 
• Uh oh, girly shoes! Gonna need a mooontaaaaaage! Oh maybe not. Disappointing.
• Wait, people got invitations ONE DAY before the big day? That seems poorly planned. 
• "Go home and get lots of beauty sleep" seems a bit rude. 
• I don't care how in love I was I don't think I'd be comfortable with mr creep still just appearing out of nowhere like that. 
• #flashback
• Woah, did he say he only killed molesters? And so was he? What?
• Bachelor party! "no strippers just lions and bears" lolzzz he done a comedy!
• #dreaming of a mountain of dead people!
• If there isn't an accidental biting at this wedding I will be very bored
• Go on dumb dumb get down that aisle already. 
• These palefaces could just get some fake tan and solve a lot of problems I reckon. 
• I hope Wolfy is watching from the top of a mountain. 
• Hey wait we didn't get to see any bachelor party, ripped off
• Geez they are really rushing through this whole wedding business I thought they'd drag it out like everything else. 
• #drunkdad!
• Wow rubbish montage of speeches, guys, did the writers forget to show up?
• Everyone is dancing to a different song
• Eww he's gonna bang her in the forest as her special gift?
• Oh no just bring out the Jacob. IN A SHIRT WHUUUUT?
• Hey do guys who already have moustaches do anything for movember?
• Since when does vampy know how to drive at a regular speed? Marriage changed him huh
• How long have those candles been burning? #firehazard
• "I think I've made a huge mistake" - Bella
• Isn't this kind of paedophilia?
• I am surprised vampires can bone down really considering their not being warm blooded you know what I mean
• I wonder if this would actually be better if it wasn't for kids? Probably not
• WIFE BEATER
• HER DAD IS GONNA DESTROY YOU, PAL. 
• There is something hilarious about a vampire in a polo shirt
• Wooo boring honeymoon montage! #chess #laughter #swimming #chess #hiking 
• For a hundreds year old guy he is not very good at chess
• Of course the wolves play soccer and not baseball #unamerican
• Terrible dialogue
• Chicken and peanut butter for breakfast?
• HAHA OH I HOPE THATS NOT CHICKEN #humanflesh
• UH OH GONNA BE A #vampbabyyyyy 

• These foreign subtitles only add to the mystery of what could happen!  #piracy
• "THAT THING" careful buddy
• Oh man I bet she is SUPER preggo already. Vampbabies surely grow at super speed. 
• Hahaha the ultrasound can't penetrate the embryotic sack!
• Makeup department nailed it on making Bella look like shit, though
• Ooh now Jacob is delivering the comedy lines! Badly. 
• No time for bikes it's wolfing time!
• This is like the credits to Homeland with less jazz. Still bad though. 
• Wolf puppet party! Runninggggg! 
• Wait what is going on. I don't know who is who in these wolves chit chat. 
• Fucking hell these wolves are HILARIOUS. Not even puppets hey. 
• Hahahahaha. They really should've allocated some budget dollars to the wolves. 
• I zoned out what are these two wolf boys talking about? "Two man wolf pack" ha ha. 
• Unwanted wolf girl sob story
• Haha YAHOO search! Hey guy please type in "vampire baby" you won't regret it. 

Exhibit B

• Couldn't they just Caesarian that thing out of her?
• BLOOD MILKSHAKE
• The white faces make me so angry
• This is so dumb
• Medical spa in Switzerland? Good cover story. 
• #marriagecomedy
• I can't see a thing but it sounds like wolves are chasing a girl in the forest and winning. 
• HAAAHAA did she just break her back?
• WOAH HOME SURGERY HAHAHA
• AAHAHAHAHAHA
• HAAHAHAHA
• The way there is no blood around the eyes of this baby makes it seem like it was wearing goggles in the womb.
• Uh oh dying!!! Dead! For the record, I don't believe this for a second.
• But the good news is now wolfboy gets to kill paleface! 
• Someone's getting a bit bite happy calm down bro
• Haha wow a zoom through her internal organs, great
• Ooh I hope the baby is stolen and raised by wolves! #plottwist #confusedchild
• Shit that baby is weird lookin is it CGI
• Another fight scene too dark for me to see. Again a girl is squealing and wolves are growling. Haha I think someone just punched a wolf though. 
• Aaahaha Jacob imprinted on the BABY?? Is that legal? That's fucking creepy but what a good payback on those jerks! He's gonna bone your daughter one day hahahaha
• Ew she looks gross dead
• #specialeffects
• Oh no she woke up with red eyes ha ha dumb
• Oh these jerks in their basement again enough with the drama, vampires, you are so lame. 

IN SUMMATION! Paedophilia, "special effects" and hilarious wolves. Less than two hours though.