Movie Review: Breaking Dawn Part 1

Well Well Well. It is raining outside, and I can only think of one thing to combat that. Also it'd be good to finish these off before actual Summah and/or getting a job starts eating away at all this free time. So here we are, Twilight #4 Breaking Dawn PART(E) ONE. Hi Tristan! You have seen this one, please feel free to discuss with me in the comments.

• Yes "Parte". Why such fancy spelling? How very ye olde. Because Vampires? 
• It's raining quick talke of your shirt!
• Aaaahaha a wedding invitation! Hooray. 
• Uh oh, girly shoes! Gonna need a mooontaaaaaage! Oh maybe not. Disappointing.
• Wait, people got invitations ONE DAY before the big day? That seems poorly planned. 
• "Go home and get lots of beauty sleep" seems a bit rude. 
• I don't care how in love I was I don't think I'd be comfortable with mr creep still just appearing out of nowhere like that. 
• #flashback
• Woah, did he say he only killed molesters? And so was he? What?
• Bachelor party! "no strippers just lions and bears" lolzzz he done a comedy!
• #dreaming of a mountain of dead people!
• If there isn't an accidental biting at this wedding I will be very bored
• Go on dumb dumb get down that aisle already. 
• These palefaces could just get some fake tan and solve a lot of problems I reckon. 
• I hope Wolfy is watching from the top of a mountain. 
• Hey wait we didn't get to see any bachelor party, ripped off
• Geez they are really rushing through this whole wedding business I thought they'd drag it out like everything else. 
• #drunkdad!
• Wow rubbish montage of speeches, guys, did the writers forget to show up?
• Everyone is dancing to a different song
• Eww he's gonna bang her in the forest as her special gift?
• Oh no just bring out the Jacob. IN A SHIRT WHUUUUT?
• Hey do guys who already have moustaches do anything for movember?
• Since when does vampy know how to drive at a regular speed? Marriage changed him huh
• How long have those candles been burning? #firehazard
• "I think I've made a huge mistake" - Bella
• Isn't this kind of paedophilia?
• I am surprised vampires can bone down really considering their not being warm blooded you know what I mean
• I wonder if this would actually be better if it wasn't for kids? Probably not
• WIFE BEATER
• HER DAD IS GONNA DESTROY YOU, PAL. 
• There is something hilarious about a vampire in a polo shirt
• Wooo boring honeymoon montage! #chess #laughter #swimming #chess #hiking 
• For a hundreds year old guy he is not very good at chess
• Of course the wolves play soccer and not baseball #unamerican
• Terrible dialogue
• Chicken and peanut butter for breakfast?
• HAHA OH I HOPE THATS NOT CHICKEN #humanflesh
• UH OH GONNA BE A #vampbabyyyyy 

• These foreign subtitles only add to the mystery of what could happen!  #piracy
• "THAT THING" careful buddy
• Oh man I bet she is SUPER preggo already. Vampbabies surely grow at super speed. 
• Hahaha the ultrasound can't penetrate the embryotic sack!
• Makeup department nailed it on making Bella look like shit, though
• Ooh now Jacob is delivering the comedy lines! Badly. 
• No time for bikes it's wolfing time!
• This is like the credits to Homeland with less jazz. Still bad though. 
• Wolf puppet party! Runninggggg! 
• Wait what is going on. I don't know who is who in these wolves chit chat. 
• Fucking hell these wolves are HILARIOUS. Not even puppets hey. 
• Hahahahaha. They really should've allocated some budget dollars to the wolves. 
• I zoned out what are these two wolf boys talking about? "Two man wolf pack" ha ha. 
• Unwanted wolf girl sob story
• Haha YAHOO search! Hey guy please type in "vampire baby" you won't regret it. 

Exhibit B

• Couldn't they just Caesarian that thing out of her?
• BLOOD MILKSHAKE
• The white faces make me so angry
• This is so dumb
• Medical spa in Switzerland? Good cover story. 
• #marriagecomedy
• I can't see a thing but it sounds like wolves are chasing a girl in the forest and winning. 
• HAAAHAA did she just break her back?
• WOAH HOME SURGERY HAHAHA
• AAHAHAHAHAHA
• HAAHAHAHA
• The way there is no blood around the eyes of this baby makes it seem like it was wearing goggles in the womb.
• Uh oh dying!!! Dead! For the record, I don't believe this for a second.
• But the good news is now wolfboy gets to kill paleface! 
• Someone's getting a bit bite happy calm down bro
• Haha wow a zoom through her internal organs, great
• Ooh I hope the baby is stolen and raised by wolves! #plottwist #confusedchild
• Shit that baby is weird lookin is it CGI
• Another fight scene too dark for me to see. Again a girl is squealing and wolves are growling. Haha I think someone just punched a wolf though. 
• Aaahaha Jacob imprinted on the BABY?? Is that legal? That's fucking creepy but what a good payback on those jerks! He's gonna bone your daughter one day hahahaha
• Ew she looks gross dead
• #specialeffects
• Oh no she woke up with red eyes ha ha dumb
• Oh these jerks in their basement again enough with the drama, vampires, you are so lame. 

IN SUMMATION! Paedophilia, "special effects" and hilarious wolves. Less than two hours though.

Movie Review: THE TWILIGHT SAGA ECLIPSE

And again. It has become really hard to watch anything without making a stupid comments list to myself. So here is part three of the Twilight SAGA OH GOD IT IS SUCH A SAGA.

• "Previously, on Twilight..." They should really start these things with one of those. 
• It would be funny if this guy wasn't being attacked but was just really clumsy. 
• I am honestly surprised how popular this stuff is/was, it's so much nothing!
• Ooh look who got a new haircut. 
• DON'T MARRY HIM BELLA HE IS SO WEIRD.
• Haha University of Alaska has a great science program
• Oh Mom she won't need a quilt when she doesn't ever sleep again
• I do not really understand this vampire family, they just live to hunt down other vampires that kill people?
• And the wolves live to hunt down the vampires?
• All of these teens are so fickle!
• And all these wolf boys just hate shirts so much!
• So that rule about inviting vampires in does not apply to this lot either. 
• How can there be such a Team Jacob / Team Edward thing, they are both the worst! 
• Team Noone!
• Campfires are nice. 
• Blah blah blah
• Haha that was a good punch
• Is it necessary to really have them all so pale?
• #oldendays
• God I hate fantasy
• (Is vampires = fantasy?)
• Suddenly the vamp house is totally fine with humans all up in it
• Why are the newborns (hahaha) after Bella though? OH GOD SO MANY QUESTIONS
• The fake wolves are SO BAD
• It's weird that they all seem to have expert opinion and not just the ring leader father man
• #montage!
• #fastforward!
• Wow that is a BIG PUPPET WOLF
• Uh oh here comes another flashback
• #imprinting
• He is such a creep
• Dude is so into marriage
• Who even are these jerks
• Can vampires swim? Haha YES THEY CAN
• or at least just walk along the river bed and emerge like swamp monsters
• I bet here comes a hey baby let me warm you
• Yes! Did I write this?
• "Let's face it I am hotter than you"
• Draaaaaama faces for all!
• Smoochy moochy
• Fight scenes are so boring
• How can that massive wolf be losing a fight seriously
• Ha she turned into mannequin! #kimcatrall
• Their chemistry is not amazing hey
• Oh it's over ummm

IN SUMMATION: Well that was another two hours of my life

Movie Review: TWI-2

Ok so not to bombard the twitter these were my thoughts on the final 40 minutes of Twilight 2 New Moon Saga or whatever the hell it is.

Wonderful Fan Art Forever and Forever and Forever!

• Vampires are so dramatic, man. 
• Is that Dakota Fanning?
• Bella the Vampire Slayer she should really be getting some training for this lifestyle
• I would've cast Sam Rockwell as this vampire leader if that wasn't a super depressing idea. 
• "Kill me not him" well I think they'd kill her anyway once they'd killed him, right?
• Haha these fucking forests. 
• Blahhhhh. Stringsssssss. Teenagerrrrs. Forestzzzz.
• Haha eyeball reflection!
• Haha OOH A MARRY ME CLIFFHANGER.

In summation! This could've been condensed into a one half hour episode, hey.

Summah Gum: Mentos 3D MYSTERY

What in the hell

The biggest mystery to this really is WHY? Is it just an invention brought about by mixing up the leftover flavours? So literally they can't really say what it is meant to be? It seems that way. This stuff is very confusing. It has all the same problems as the other 3D packet, annoying packaging and short lived flavour. But on top of that, the flavour itself is.. well a Mystery, I suppose. Well played, Mentos.

I had thought that once open, the Mystery would be solved and a flavour revealed. Would each stick of gum be a different flavour? That would be fun! A lucky gum dip, of sorts. Which one will it be? Woooo! Suspense! But no, every one is just the same, weird, indecipherable taste.

All the question marks on the individually wrapped pieces remind me of Scooby Doo.

Not even these guys could solve the MYSTERY of MENTOS I am telling you

So while this was meant to just be a trial in finding my Summah Gum, it has become a much bigger ordeal. I can't stop trying a new piece every time I run out of flavour. I feel so sick right now. It is almost fake strawberry? With a hint of.. menthol? To just smell it, it has quite a bubblegummy way about it but that doesn't really come through in tasting. Come on Mentos REVEAL THE MYSTERY.

I have half a packet of this left if anyone wants to take a crack at flavour naming.

IN SUMMATION: Mentos you have delivered me another fail at finding my Summah Gum and I only have 3 days left ahhhhhhh!

DEATHPROOF

I am watching Deathproof. So far it is pretty boring so maybe some liveblogging will keep me entertained? WHO KNOWS! And I should definitely share this boredom with the internet, hey.

• Soooo is this supposed to be super boring? I get the feeling this film was not that well received. Like oh come on Tarantino get a grip.
• Wait what year is this meant to be set? 
• So it is current days but just looks old? And the characters think they are in the 70s?
• NOKIA PHONE! 
• I wish I could watch this in double time, Howard Kremer style.
• Lapdance.
• The soundtrack is pretty good I should just listen to that instead.
• Deathdrive.
• Car drive sing and dancealongs are always a fun scene. Makes me wanna watch That 70s Show.
• CRASHSHSHSHSHSHSH ugh lame.
• Nice hospital doors.
• Goddamnit I want to go to Texas.
• Oh my god was this film even written by a writer what are they even talking about
• LEBANON, TENNESSEE. OKAY
• oh really now black and white
• This singing is annoying kill her stuntman mike!
• So much driftwood in this film. It could be a drinking game
• Oh really the song from that other film as her ringtone really
• Hey when did it become colour what the hell? Better. That yellow car is gooooood.
• BORRRRINGGGGG this dialogue seriously just have a car sing and dancealong again
• This Kiwi looks like someone...
• "you never call a kiwi an aussie"
• Oh wait it was a joke
• FUCKING HELL THIS IS BORING I QUIT 
• 1hr17min.

Summah Gum: Mentos Aqua Kiss 3D

Mentos Aqua Kiss 3D: A gift from TFids.

The first day of full sunshine and blue skies hit us a few weeks ago in Melbourne (has not really returned since FYI) and I figured it was a good time to start my Summah GumTM Trials in preparation for the real times ahead. So out came a gift from Tristan: Mentos Aqua Kiss 3D and here is my running commentary: 

Holy cow this is some elaborate packaging! I swear it took me 5 minutes to even open this thing. And "3D"? I do not understand this side of it. I like the shiny paper on each piece of gum, it reminds me of Christmas. I feel like if I was a kid on school holidays at my grandparents house I would save these papers and make some crafts. Okay onto the product itself, nice stripes and pastelly colours, though looks crunchy which makes me think this will just be a sugarbomb. Woah no it is not a sugarbomb it is making my eyes water. WHAT is this flavour? Mandarin? Oh Yuzu-Grapefruit-Orange, of course. I approximate it gave me 7 mins worth of flavour chew, then it tastes wrong(er). Like not even just losing the flavour, because there is even occasional revivals of that, but it just has a strange, almost toxic taste. It turns a light orange. Wait, what is AQUA KISS about this? Yuzu-Grapefruit-Orange is pretty far from what I would consider "Aqua" or "Kiss". I am not sure I will even try a second piece of this, ever. Okay I did try it on another day and here is my hot tip: it is not great as a breakfast gum right after you've brushed your teeth. 

IN SUMMATION:

• This gum is not one for me. 
• Although fruity, it is too confusing in its flavours and also possibly it is poison.
• I do appreciate the shiny paper but the rest of the packaging was difficult.
• Thankyou for the gift TFids but it is back to the drawing board for my Summah Gum pick.

PS. I got sunburnt on this day. Happy Summah!

Summah Playlist #1: Have A Forest

This was inspired by Kishi Bashi's album 151a because I didn't love every song but I did super love some of them and they reminded me of others.