Movie Review: Breaking Dawn Part 1

Well Well Well. It is raining outside, and I can only think of one thing to combat that. Also it'd be good to finish these off before actual Summah and/or getting a job starts eating away at all this free time. So here we are, Twilight #4 Breaking Dawn PART(E) ONE. Hi Tristan! You have seen this one, please feel free to discuss with me in the comments.

• Yes "Parte". Why such fancy spelling? How very ye olde. Because Vampires? 
• It's raining quick talke of your shirt!
• Aaaahaha a wedding invitation! Hooray. 
• Uh oh, girly shoes! Gonna need a mooontaaaaaage! Oh maybe not. Disappointing.
• Wait, people got invitations ONE DAY before the big day? That seems poorly planned. 
• "Go home and get lots of beauty sleep" seems a bit rude. 
• I don't care how in love I was I don't think I'd be comfortable with mr creep still just appearing out of nowhere like that. 
• #flashback
• Woah, did he say he only killed molesters? And so was he? What?
• Bachelor party! "no strippers just lions and bears" lolzzz he done a comedy!
• #dreaming of a mountain of dead people!
• If there isn't an accidental biting at this wedding I will be very bored
• Go on dumb dumb get down that aisle already. 
• These palefaces could just get some fake tan and solve a lot of problems I reckon. 
• I hope Wolfy is watching from the top of a mountain. 
• Hey wait we didn't get to see any bachelor party, ripped off
• Geez they are really rushing through this whole wedding business I thought they'd drag it out like everything else. 
• #drunkdad!
• Wow rubbish montage of speeches, guys, did the writers forget to show up?
• Everyone is dancing to a different song
• Eww he's gonna bang her in the forest as her special gift?
• Oh no just bring out the Jacob. IN A SHIRT WHUUUUT?
• Hey do guys who already have moustaches do anything for movember?
• Since when does vampy know how to drive at a regular speed? Marriage changed him huh
• How long have those candles been burning? #firehazard
• "I think I've made a huge mistake" - Bella
• Isn't this kind of paedophilia?
• I am surprised vampires can bone down really considering their not being warm blooded you know what I mean
• I wonder if this would actually be better if it wasn't for kids? Probably not
• WIFE BEATER
• HER DAD IS GONNA DESTROY YOU, PAL. 
• There is something hilarious about a vampire in a polo shirt
• Wooo boring honeymoon montage! #chess #laughter #swimming #chess #hiking 
• For a hundreds year old guy he is not very good at chess
• Of course the wolves play soccer and not baseball #unamerican
• Terrible dialogue
• Chicken and peanut butter for breakfast?
• HAHA OH I HOPE THATS NOT CHICKEN #humanflesh
• UH OH GONNA BE A #vampbabyyyyy 

• These foreign subtitles only add to the mystery of what could happen!  #piracy
• "THAT THING" careful buddy
• Oh man I bet she is SUPER preggo already. Vampbabies surely grow at super speed. 
• Hahaha the ultrasound can't penetrate the embryotic sack!
• Makeup department nailed it on making Bella look like shit, though
• Ooh now Jacob is delivering the comedy lines! Badly. 
• No time for bikes it's wolfing time!
• This is like the credits to Homeland with less jazz. Still bad though. 
• Wolf puppet party! Runninggggg! 
• Wait what is going on. I don't know who is who in these wolves chit chat. 
• Fucking hell these wolves are HILARIOUS. Not even puppets hey. 
• Hahahahaha. They really should've allocated some budget dollars to the wolves. 
• I zoned out what are these two wolf boys talking about? "Two man wolf pack" ha ha. 
• Unwanted wolf girl sob story
• Haha YAHOO search! Hey guy please type in "vampire baby" you won't regret it. 

Exhibit B

• Couldn't they just Caesarian that thing out of her?
• BLOOD MILKSHAKE
• The white faces make me so angry
• This is so dumb
• Medical spa in Switzerland? Good cover story. 
• #marriagecomedy
• I can't see a thing but it sounds like wolves are chasing a girl in the forest and winning. 
• HAAAHAA did she just break her back?
• WOAH HOME SURGERY HAHAHA
• AAHAHAHAHAHA
• HAAHAHAHA
• The way there is no blood around the eyes of this baby makes it seem like it was wearing goggles in the womb.
• Uh oh dying!!! Dead! For the record, I don't believe this for a second.
• But the good news is now wolfboy gets to kill paleface! 
• Someone's getting a bit bite happy calm down bro
• Haha wow a zoom through her internal organs, great
• Ooh I hope the baby is stolen and raised by wolves! #plottwist #confusedchild
• Shit that baby is weird lookin is it CGI
• Another fight scene too dark for me to see. Again a girl is squealing and wolves are growling. Haha I think someone just punched a wolf though. 
• Aaahaha Jacob imprinted on the BABY?? Is that legal? That's fucking creepy but what a good payback on those jerks! He's gonna bone your daughter one day hahahaha
• Ew she looks gross dead
• #specialeffects
• Oh no she woke up with red eyes ha ha dumb
• Oh these jerks in their basement again enough with the drama, vampires, you are so lame. 

IN SUMMATION! Paedophilia, "special effects" and hilarious wolves. Less than two hours though.

Movie Review: THE TWILIGHT SAGA ECLIPSE

And again. It has become really hard to watch anything without making a stupid comments list to myself. So here is part three of the Twilight SAGA OH GOD IT IS SUCH A SAGA.

• "Previously, on Twilight..." They should really start these things with one of those. 
• It would be funny if this guy wasn't being attacked but was just really clumsy. 
• I am honestly surprised how popular this stuff is/was, it's so much nothing!
• Ooh look who got a new haircut. 
• DON'T MARRY HIM BELLA HE IS SO WEIRD.
• Haha University of Alaska has a great science program
• Oh Mom she won't need a quilt when she doesn't ever sleep again
• I do not really understand this vampire family, they just live to hunt down other vampires that kill people?
• And the wolves live to hunt down the vampires?
• All of these teens are so fickle!
• And all these wolf boys just hate shirts so much!
• So that rule about inviting vampires in does not apply to this lot either. 
• How can there be such a Team Jacob / Team Edward thing, they are both the worst! 
• Team Noone!
• Campfires are nice. 
• Blah blah blah
• Haha that was a good punch
• Is it necessary to really have them all so pale?
• #oldendays
• God I hate fantasy
• (Is vampires = fantasy?)
• Suddenly the vamp house is totally fine with humans all up in it
• Why are the newborns (hahaha) after Bella though? OH GOD SO MANY QUESTIONS
• The fake wolves are SO BAD
• It's weird that they all seem to have expert opinion and not just the ring leader father man
• #montage!
• #fastforward!
• Wow that is a BIG PUPPET WOLF
• Uh oh here comes another flashback
• #imprinting
• He is such a creep
• Dude is so into marriage
• Who even are these jerks
• Can vampires swim? Haha YES THEY CAN
• or at least just walk along the river bed and emerge like swamp monsters
• I bet here comes a hey baby let me warm you
• Yes! Did I write this?
• "Let's face it I am hotter than you"
• Draaaaaama faces for all!
• Smoochy moochy
• Fight scenes are so boring
• How can that massive wolf be losing a fight seriously
• Ha she turned into mannequin! #kimcatrall
• Their chemistry is not amazing hey
• Oh it's over ummm

IN SUMMATION: Well that was another two hours of my life

Movie Review: TWI-2

Ok so not to bombard the twitter these were my thoughts on the final 40 minutes of Twilight 2 New Moon Saga or whatever the hell it is.

Wonderful Fan Art Forever and Forever and Forever!

• Vampires are so dramatic, man. 
• Is that Dakota Fanning?
• Bella the Vampire Slayer she should really be getting some training for this lifestyle
• I would've cast Sam Rockwell as this vampire leader if that wasn't a super depressing idea. 
• "Kill me not him" well I think they'd kill her anyway once they'd killed him, right?
• Haha these fucking forests. 
• Blahhhhh. Stringsssssss. Teenagerrrrs. Forestzzzz.
• Haha eyeball reflection!
• Haha OOH A MARRY ME CLIFFHANGER.

In summation! This could've been condensed into a one half hour episode, hey.

Summah Gum: Mentos 3D MYSTERY

What in the hell

The biggest mystery to this really is WHY? Is it just an invention brought about by mixing up the leftover flavours? So literally they can't really say what it is meant to be? It seems that way. This stuff is very confusing. It has all the same problems as the other 3D packet, annoying packaging and short lived flavour. But on top of that, the flavour itself is.. well a Mystery, I suppose. Well played, Mentos.

I had thought that once open, the Mystery would be solved and a flavour revealed. Would each stick of gum be a different flavour? That would be fun! A lucky gum dip, of sorts. Which one will it be? Woooo! Suspense! But no, every one is just the same, weird, indecipherable taste.

All the question marks on the individually wrapped pieces remind me of Scooby Doo.

Not even these guys could solve the MYSTERY of MENTOS I am telling you

So while this was meant to just be a trial in finding my Summah Gum, it has become a much bigger ordeal. I can't stop trying a new piece every time I run out of flavour. I feel so sick right now. It is almost fake strawberry? With a hint of.. menthol? To just smell it, it has quite a bubblegummy way about it but that doesn't really come through in tasting. Come on Mentos REVEAL THE MYSTERY.

I have half a packet of this left if anyone wants to take a crack at flavour naming.

IN SUMMATION: Mentos you have delivered me another fail at finding my Summah Gum and I only have 3 days left ahhhhhhh!

DEATHPROOF

I am watching Deathproof. So far it is pretty boring so maybe some liveblogging will keep me entertained? WHO KNOWS! And I should definitely share this boredom with the internet, hey.

• Soooo is this supposed to be super boring? I get the feeling this film was not that well received. Like oh come on Tarantino get a grip.
• Wait what year is this meant to be set? 
• So it is current days but just looks old? And the characters think they are in the 70s?
• NOKIA PHONE! 
• I wish I could watch this in double time, Howard Kremer style.
• Lapdance.
• The soundtrack is pretty good I should just listen to that instead.
• Deathdrive.
• Car drive sing and dancealongs are always a fun scene. Makes me wanna watch That 70s Show.
• CRASHSHSHSHSHSHSH ugh lame.
• Nice hospital doors.
• Goddamnit I want to go to Texas.
• Oh my god was this film even written by a writer what are they even talking about
• LEBANON, TENNESSEE. OKAY
• oh really now black and white
• This singing is annoying kill her stuntman mike!
• So much driftwood in this film. It could be a drinking game
• Oh really the song from that other film as her ringtone really
• Hey when did it become colour what the hell? Better. That yellow car is gooooood.
• BORRRRINGGGGG this dialogue seriously just have a car sing and dancealong again
• This Kiwi looks like someone...
• "you never call a kiwi an aussie"
• Oh wait it was a joke
• FUCKING HELL THIS IS BORING I QUIT 
• 1hr17min.

Summah Gum: Mentos Aqua Kiss 3D

Mentos Aqua Kiss 3D: A gift from TFids.

The first day of full sunshine and blue skies hit us a few weeks ago in Melbourne (has not really returned since FYI) and I figured it was a good time to start my Summah GumTM Trials in preparation for the real times ahead. So out came a gift from Tristan: Mentos Aqua Kiss 3D and here is my running commentary: 

Holy cow this is some elaborate packaging! I swear it took me 5 minutes to even open this thing. And "3D"? I do not understand this side of it. I like the shiny paper on each piece of gum, it reminds me of Christmas. I feel like if I was a kid on school holidays at my grandparents house I would save these papers and make some crafts. Okay onto the product itself, nice stripes and pastelly colours, though looks crunchy which makes me think this will just be a sugarbomb. Woah no it is not a sugarbomb it is making my eyes water. WHAT is this flavour? Mandarin? Oh Yuzu-Grapefruit-Orange, of course. I approximate it gave me 7 mins worth of flavour chew, then it tastes wrong(er). Like not even just losing the flavour, because there is even occasional revivals of that, but it just has a strange, almost toxic taste. It turns a light orange. Wait, what is AQUA KISS about this? Yuzu-Grapefruit-Orange is pretty far from what I would consider "Aqua" or "Kiss". I am not sure I will even try a second piece of this, ever. Okay I did try it on another day and here is my hot tip: it is not great as a breakfast gum right after you've brushed your teeth. 

IN SUMMATION:

• This gum is not one for me. 
• Although fruity, it is too confusing in its flavours and also possibly it is poison.
• I do appreciate the shiny paper but the rest of the packaging was difficult.
• Thankyou for the gift TFids but it is back to the drawing board for my Summah Gum pick.

PS. I got sunburnt on this day. Happy Summah!

Summah Playlist #1: Have A Forest

This was inspired by Kishi Bashi's album 151a because I didn't love every song but I did super love some of them and they reminded me of others.

Movie Review: LAWLESS

pew pew pew!

Here is a review of LAWLESS written on my walk home

• Pretty long
• Can Tom Hardy actually speak words? (note to self: look this up)
• Moonshine surely is the worst drink ever right?
• White light white heat cover was pretty great
• Guy Pearce eyebrows. (Where'd they go)
• Hahaha Shia le buff will he ever not make me laugh? (So far, no)
• (Remember Wall Street 2? Haha!)
• There should've been more Forrest surviving deaths
• Also more subtle comedy
• I think I'll rewatch Deadwood soon

In summation I guess this was okay but don't rush out also make sure you go to the toilet before you watch it if you think your bladder is not strong enough for 7 hours of a film mostly about liquids.  

Things I Did Not Sign Up For When I Took This Job

• Dogs licking my arm while I am trying to work.
• Dogs licking my arm ever.
• Dogs to Human ratio of 4:11

Favourite Things

• Seeing birds fly in an actual V
• Cafes knowing my coffee order
• Being made a G&T in a short glass without being asked
• Babies in hats with animal ears
• Hearing the Shangri-Las in public
• My favorite old bus driver dropping me at the end of the street instead of at the bus stop
• Old people eating icecream in the middle of the day
• Old people dressed up at a supermarket / on the bus / anywhere typically unimportant

Exhibit A, outside Footscray Coles, 9am Friday morning

Juney 2012

Usually June is my worst month of the year, hey. I blame it just not yet being July which is clearly the best, hello. But this one was not so bad? Or was it? I can't even remember. Let's say it was not so bad!

FLICKS!

• Annie Hall A+, always
• Manhattan A+, always!
• Shame B+, pretty good
• Martha Marcy May Marlene A+, I LOVED THIS
• This American Life B+, this was real fun great work Ira and friends!

OTHER STUFF!

• Katebomb!
• Frank Chimero talk at ACMI
• Lil Leonie & Bayou!
• Arrivals of Le Splits
• Fontaine!
• Grandfolks!
• Hip Hop Hologram PartyTM

Still finding sequins EVERYWHERE.

June you kindof ruled, who knew!

Movie Review: J Edgar

Hi Internet last night I watched J Edgar! This is my review:

When it didn't look like this

All I could think was this

In conclusion, ehhhhh it was alright, I guess, I don't know. How do I make this into a list?

Some words that do not have a K at the end

• Something
• Anything
• Everything

I CANNOT HANDLE LISTENING TO THIS EVERY DAY FOR MUCH LONGER AGHHHHH HELP ME INTERNET BE MY FRIEND.

sure why not

Whats the collective noun for collective nouns?

These are my current favourites:

• an unkindness of ravens
• a business of ferrets
• a shiver of sharks

gross

ME

HI INTERNET. Last night I saw a friend who I consider a reasonably good friend, someone I see fairly often and enjoy the company of, and he asked me two questions that took me by surprise as it proved either he has not listened to a thing I have said in the last 2 years or I just don't say anything about myself ever. Maybe it is both? His excuse was YOU NEVER COME OUT which is possibly part truth but also maybe I don't want to see your band play every week, hey. Waah waah waah. So anyway here are 5 really boring things that people should know so they don't make me cry when we have a casual chit chat next time. (I didn't actually cry but I did feel odd for the whole night.)

1. My studying finished last year! I am finished! It was only one year! It was good, thanks.
2. I work for an online store as in house graphic designer which involves a lot of product photography and really fun styling of stationery related setups and making the enewsletters and promotional guff and website graphics and all of that and it is mostly great and I have been here nearly TWO YEARS.
3. Not interested in your cat or dog, okay.
4. Even less interested in participating in karaoke so don't nag at me about it, it'll make me super angry.
5. But I like lots of things! Probably the same stuff you do! Lets talk about that!

Baby Wombats are a good start for conversations.

May

Goodbye, May.

Thankyou for all the Perth visitors in the forms of Split Seconds, Adam and his Emperors & Tristan Showbiz Fidler! What a lineup.

Thankyou for the many movies that got watched also. Source Code, Milk, Horrible Bosses, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, Woody Allen: A Documentary & Diner. Perhaps some deserve more thanks than others, but all up I think we did well, this month. Congratulations to us all!

It feels like all I did this month aside from seeing those people or movies was complain about work, though. I am sorry to everyone for that and I assure you that June is the start of a more positive outlook. This time I mean it. Yay! Bye!

we all know most marriages depend on a firm grasp of football trivia

Horrible Bosses

I watched Horrible Bosses last night. Here are three things better than it.

Arrested Development

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

30 Rock

See what I did there?

Procrastinations

Things I do when I have things to do

• Rearrange furniture/cupboards/drawers but really just make a bit of a mess
• Watch old episodes of tv shows I have seen a billion times
• Nap
• Stare at walls in silence
• Write blog lists

Ughhhh I have so much to doooo

April 2012

No time for comments or details this is a straight up no nonsense great stuff from April.

• Dinner with Horrocks at The Gem
• Helen's Taco Hens Night
• Wanda Sykes!
• Dinner with Gilesy at Rumi
• ROBBIE IN MELBO.
• Socialisin' with Work LadiezTM
• The Return of Mad Men and the beginning of Draper Mondays.
• Field Trip
• PERTH BEACHES

• PERTH SUNSHINE.
• PERTH PERTH.
• Everyone.
• The McLarson Wedding
• In The Pines

• The Zoo with Crombie Minis

• The other tiny Norwegian.
• Terrible Movie Tradition for Birthday Q.
• Delicious times at Cantina, West End, El Publico
• Seany Pollard solo singins.
• Last night in Perth with MF, TF & JF!
• Eagles vs Tigers at the Eton Streeton.

Hang It Up / Keep It Up

Haaaang It Up!

• Muffins. A terrible version of cake.
• The National. Most of the time.
• Dreamboat Footballers Getting Injured. Jackie nooooooo!

Keep It UP!

• Nice Holidays in Hometowns. Perth, you were great.
• No Nonsense Friendships. I hope they know who they are.
• Nice Notebooks and Pencils. My job rules sometimes.
• Emoji. Still hilarious.

Perth! Well, Fremantle.. but shhh.

Overdue March

March was ages ago hey. Hi.


BREAKING NEWS: You may not have noticed this year I'd been keeping track of every coffee I drank, and also every episode of television or movie I watched. Well I had. It was kindof fun and I was doing it using this app/website called DAYTUM which is oh so pretty and oh so created by Nicholas Felton, king of infographic nonsense. So that was neat except that the app actually is FUCKED AND CRASHES AND DELETES STUFF RANDOMLY ALL THE GODDAMN TIME AND NOONE IS FIXING IT AND NOW I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY FLAT WHITES I HAVE DRUNK SINCE THE END OF FEBRUARY YOU MOTHERFUCKER SO I GIVE UP ON THAT. It made me really sad, hey. So anyway that part of my year is over. I am trying to keep up with the tv and movies part though. Lucky you!

LIST NEWS: In March I watched movies I had already seen (Up In The Air, Superbad, Syriana) (oh hi who knew it was to be a bit of a CloonFestTM) and some I had not seen (Our Idiot Brother, Game Change, Friday Night Lights) and one in a cinema (50/50). There were documentaries, too! I saw Colour Me Obsessed at a pub in Brunswick and Children of the Tsunami at my home.

RANT BREAK: Of the things I saw for the first time, everything can happily sit in the good camp of very enjoyable and no regrets. Except for Colour Me Obsessed, which, oh boy, I don't know where to start. This was a documentary about The Replacements (the film was followed by a tribute band featuring Tim Rogers among others which was GREAT) and it was the pits. THE PITS! There was no music in it. NO MUSIC IN A MUSIC DOCUMENTARY. I don't care what the director says ("that was intentional" is what he said), it was a terrible idea, intentional or not. I don't see what his problem is with just admitting to not being able to get the rights or permission to show any photos, or footage, or I don't know.. even a fucking reenactment? It can be done well, hey. But anyway it was a big disappointment, I was actually wanting to learn something from the documentary before seeing the band. I didn't. Anyway. Here's a listier list hooray!

I SAW AMAZING MUSICAL PERFORMANCES IN MARCH: I struggle to rank them, they were all just super amazing.

• Bon Iver at Music Bowl: front row with 12000 peoples behind us, 9 piece band, insane strobe lights, just the most charming and surprisingly tall Justin Vernon, mind blown, marry me.

• Ryan Adams at Regent Theatre: Oh man, he is back, and he is going to destroy you with his heartbreakery and denim and comedy songs about his cat. YES HIS CAT THAT IS HOW GOOD HE WAS. Probably the only person I will tolerate talking about his cat. Ever.

• Bonnie Prince Billy at The National Theatre: pretty sure we all had staring competitions with Willy O from the fourth row, I don't know how anyone else went but he totally beat me. What a dude.

• Black Lips at the Corner: So much fun. Even with the very drunk crowd of very young and energetic youths (ew). The Bad Kids singalong on stage was just the best.


KBYE XOXO

A list of questions pertaining to pet ownership and how much I do not care about yours

When did people start considering their dogs as humans? 

Is it a change in the times, or is it the people I know now? 

Or for pet owner/enthusiasts is it just the way life goes?

Is it a reasonable thing to do and I am crazy to object? 

What do pets who don't get brought to work do all day? BE ANIMALS IN A BACKYARD? 

What did people ever do when this was not an acceptable thing to do?

How much enthusiasm do I have to really show for a dog?
Should instagram stop kidding around and just be renamed PETSTAGRAM?
Is it the same as having children in that only your own is the best?
And if so should that really be a thing?

When will people understand I am okay with puppies but once its an adult dog I straight up do not want to hear about it?

feel free to tell me all about this little guy any time

Don't even get me started on cats.

Hang It Up / Keep It Up

OMG IT IS TIME FOR HANG IT UP KEEP IT UP!!!!


HANG IT UP

• Triangles on everything
• People saying "I just love triangles"
• People bitching out on Comic Sans YEAH OKAY WE GET IT

KEEP IT UP

• Captains Of Industry
• Grey clouds not raining on me
• fuckyournoguchicoffeetable.tumblr.com - still the best the internet has given me this year

Top 5 Things To Do Today

1. Go out for a delicious breakfast at the best of Auction Rooms with the best of friends.
2. Engage in a passive aggressive volume war with the weirdo neighbours who have been insisting on playing offensively loud dance (I don't even know) music every morning this week by playing Tucker B's really loud right back through the wall.
3. Continue to listen to every Tucker B's song super loud anyway because THEY ARE THE BEST OH I MISS THEM SO MUCH

Band photo?

4. Rearrange and hang pictures on walls.
5. Attempt to write lots of lists but not be able to think of a final point to end any of them.

Special Note: The Tucker B's website is so worth a revisit if you are looking to lose an hour or two of your day. In a good way. A GREAT WAY.

February

# COFFEES DRUNK: 68
# MOVIES SEEN: 2 CINEMA (My Week With Marilyn & Young Adult) 3 HOME (Eames Documentary, The Big Lebowski, &The Machinist)

So in the month of February I watched two THREE (good lord what is my life?) entirely new seasons of television. For the first time! Not reruns! (err yes but also reruns.) In order of how much I enjoyed them, they were:

1. Homeland. Pretty good. Is Claire Danes Crying a Thing? I feel like it is a Thing. Like a youtube supercut thing. Maybe I am thinking of someone else. Well anyway, her cry-face is really familiar to me. Maybe because it is so extreme?

Lordy.

In conclusion, this show was quite good, I will watch season two as soon as it starts, that is my promise to you. You are excited for me!

2. Parenthood. Is it okay to like this? Going by the internet, I honestly can't tell. It is a bit overly drama and feel good family but it is also 1. Jason Katims (FOREVER!) ... and 2. Nate Fisher (STILL RUNNIN') .. and 3. I don't know it is just not quite terrible. I feel strange about it, I am sorry. It is really easy to watch though. And this family see a lot (too much) of each other much like mine and sometimes I miss that. It hasn't made me cry, though. Nice try, TV.

3. BOSS. It is better than Cake Boss, and it is probably good, but, man, I don't know hey there is just something not sitting right with me. I put it to partly TOO MUCH DRAMA ALL OF THE TIME AND NO RELIEF FROM IT. Also the hot bitch, just.. way too much. Too much pouting, too much ridiculous heels, too much fucking on the boardroom table, too much cold hard bitch attitude. Hang it up, hot bitch. I don't know if me never being into Frasier as anything to do with it, too? I don't get excited by seeing Kelsey Grammer in 30 Rock or whatever, does everyone else? I feel like everyone else does. Whatever. Boss was fine but I will be okay with it getting cancelled probably.

You know what else was good in February?

• Kellygum's Downton Abbey Recaps. They are the complete opposite to actually watching the show hey, by that I mean totally entertaining! 
• Eastbound & Down is back and it is as amazing as ever. Jason Sudeikis, everybody.
• GIRLS. The band Girls. GIRLS THE BAND WERE SO GOOD. SOOOO GOOOOOOOD. You don't even know. Or do you? Congratulations to you if you do! Talk to me about it.
• Also good was Leonie & Tim doing some amazing covers at that party. I would pay dollars to see that again. Especially with Leonie standing on the crate again. Look! 

Cuuuuute.

• I am trying to get an understanding of Tumblr and I think I am on the right track, it is for dumb internet shit and.. that is all. Right? I'm okay with that!
• Oh and I even got a haircut. LIFE SUCCESS.

Goodnight, February!

TWO THINGS I GET CONFUSED

Taylor Swift & Taylor Lautner

I still did not know who Taylor Lautner was until I did a google just now. Oh TWILIGHT? That makes sense. Did you know he is not only an actor, voice actor and model but a MARTIAL ARTIST? Haha. Talk about a quadruple threat.

Taylor Swift is 3 years old than Lautner. She has also won a lot more awards than him and been in an episode of CSI? Of course. I am not sure I know any of her songs but I'm sure it wouldn't be the worst, I could not be more indifferent towards Miss Swift, IF THAT IS HER REAL NAME. Oh it is.

Haha, never forget

Channing Tatum & Stockard Channing

Ok I do know exactly who Stockard Channing (SURPRISE NOT HER REAL NAME) is but I have no idea about Tatum, so whenever I hear that name I immediately thing of Mrs First Lady Bartlet before my brain catches up to realise noooo that is not right. Now after googling Channing Tatum I still have NO idea who he is. I have never seen that face in my entire life! He also appears to be into the martial arts. What is going on there? His website is called Channing Tatum Unwrapped ewww.

FUN FACT! Stockard Channing was in a 1998 film called TWILIGHT. Full circle!

These guys! 

IN SUMMATION: Matt Saracen was in a Taylor Swift film clip (along with her kitten, named after Grey's Anatomy, all of this is in her "Personal Life" section of Wikipedia why??) but she also dated John Mayer and that made me feel gross? Stockard Channing 4 EVA.

Happy Melbiversary To Me

This weekend marks my two years of living in Melbourne and to celebrate I did three of my favourite living in Melbourne activities:

Drank some coffees at Auction Rooms
Went out for dinner at Rumi (still the best)
Carried an umbrella around and didn't get rained on

LOVE YOU MELBO
XOXO

Baltimore

So last month I saw Ira Glass do a thing, I don't know really how to describe it.. a presentation? Performance? Delightful evening? Well whatever it was exactly, it was super great and definitely delightful, and I learnt that he is from Baltimore. So that night I did internally declare he would be my favourite thing to come out of Baltimore. But then I remembered some other things, and then I did some internetting, and discovered a few others. AND SO I PRESENT TO YOU, INTERNET, MY TOP 7 THINGS OUTTA BALTIMORE. (In no real order, don't make me choose)

Ira Glass Aw I want to keep you in a box

John Waters I read your book last year and it was very enjoyable

The Wire derrrr is it time for us to meet again?

David Byrne you delightful nutbar I should read that bicycle book of yours

Kevin Clash I also recently watched the documentary about this guy (Elmo) and it was great!

Penn Badgley haha just jokes

Parker Posey I was in the middle of saying "where are you!?" and then I discovered you have something coming out soon! I forget what, but good job for still being around! Remember when you dated Ryan Adams? Geez.

Bonus Round Kathleen Turner mostly for high school memories (why was she a huge joke among our circle? The Virgin Suicides? Serial Mom? Who knows).

I went to Baltimore for a day in 2008 and it was a weird place hey.

January

YOU GUYS JANUARY IS OVER! HERE IS WHAT HAPPENED

I drank 70 cups of coffee: 31 plunger, 26 flat whites, 6 short macs,  5 aeropress, 1 stove top and 1 instant (??).

I watched 53 episodes of television: 20 of The Sopranos, 6 Curb Your Enthusiasms, 5 Top Chefs, 4 30 Rocks, 3 Pan Ams, 2 SNL Specials, 2 Design Stars, 2 Parks and Recreations, 2 Seinfelds, 2 Mad Mens, 2 of The Office (UK), 1 Check It Out with Dr Steve Brule, 1 Nature's Miracle Babies, 1 Up All Night and 3/4 of a terrible episode of The Playboy Club.

I went to the cinema four times: (Melancholia, Being Elmo, Mars and The Interrupters) and watched 4 movies from the comfort of my own couch: Mean Girls, Lars and the Real Girl, Bridesmaids & Passenger Side.

I also paid dollars to see people perform things: Fleet Foxes! David Sedaris! Ira Glass! Best Coast! Kanye West!

Other things: Saw Tasmania (special extra mention to MONA OMG), went to Attica, read Mindy Kaling's Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (which was great!), did not get a haircut. 

Everything was mostly super great! Congratulations January you passed with flying colours. I do need a haircut though. Also next month I will attempt pretty pictures to accompany these tedious lists.

My Least Favourite Flavours

• Bubblegum
• "Elvis"
• Tropical (as in a fruit juice) or even worse, "breakfast". That is  just giving the best meal a bad name.
• Banoffee. You know I am not even sure what that is exactly. Is it banana-toffee or banana-coffee? I think it is toffee. Surely banana-coffee is taking it too far. Either way I do not want a part of it. Just the word makes me so annoyed. 
• Chicken and Cheese. Welllllll this isn't a flavour really but just a combination of things. Hang it up, chicken and cheese in a thing.

Top 3 Things I forgot to put in my Top 50 of 2011

BEATRIX DELICIOUSNESS

PROF. MOONDOG EXHIBITION

LIAM RYAN 4 SHANNON HURN 4 EVA!

Top 3 Lists

At first I thought these lists should be read at the start of every year to bring in the next but really I could go reading them daily, especially Johnny's.

#3: Robert Heinlein's list of predictions for the year 2000

#2: Woody Guthrie's "New Years Rulins"

#1: Johnny Cash's TO DO LIST

All three of these from #1 List Blog, Lists of Note.

FIFTY!

In no particular order, some favourite fifty things of 2011:

1. pork neck at de clieu
2. you and me - penny & the quarters
3. BEARDUARY
4. www.whenparentstext.com
5. paul f tompkins
6. kellygum
7. Secret Geniuses (come baaaaaack)
8. little africa at the pru pru
9. stop podcasting yourself
10. fair bump play on
11. west coast eagles being amazing again!
12. @lukeshuey twitters
13. PULP at Festival Hall
14. The Royal Mail
15. supercouples!
16. my new camera
17. tim rogers' nick cave impression
18. dave rawlings & gillian welch
19. perth beaches
20. surprising the minis
21. Q birthday surprises
22. deerhunter
23. spiritualized at the opera house
24. whoooooo charted?
25. phossy at harvest
26. sloe gin sour
27. the nat & the helen moving to melbourne
28. first dog on the moon
29. baby goose
30. hank williams tribute night at the gem
31. shillingtons
32. dudes talking about toasting sandwiches
33. coach taylor
34. tim riggins
35. mrs coach
36. matt saracen! and so on.
37. roy choi dinner
38. my brother my brother and me
39. syl johnson live and alive!
40. zooborns
41. chin chin and also gogo
42. the various melbourne visits! splitsys, oz & isis, tristan, josh & andre, j.d. mckee... excellent times.
43. the american astronaut in play form at the worker's club!
44. josh kennedy: the hero and the footballer
45. workmates becoming almost real life friends!
46. desert island discs
47. those dumb dancing minis
48. Prudence
49. #thronebombs
50. another year in this fine city yaaaaay